YEAH, REALLY FUNNY................

...........NOT!!!!!

Heathrow Airport......was closed, open for limited flights now, more bad weather expected.

Come on weather person, give us some good news, we're supposed to be on a plane tomorrow,

don't make me tell my kids we might not make it for Christmas.

Update - all departments

Update time -

UK TRIP - 3 sleeps left!! Cant wait and as soon as Paul is home after his private clients this morning we will be starting the packing process, which, will be quite simple up until hand luggage when it needs a bit more thought for Freddy.

Bryce is obviously easy, he will sleep and watch films, listen to music and play apps on his i touch.

We have small gifts to give Maddi (mainly activity stuff for her) on the flight, she has the in flight entertainment to use and I have looked at the films and there are a few she will enjoy so that's good, Paul has also loaded her i touch with a few films and we are getting her a few new apps to play.

We have got a small bag of new bits and bobs for Freddy, I call them 'save the day' toys! so those along with sleep, other playing, walking about, smiling at people (his speciality as he knows it gets attention!) we may just manage!

I have booked the flight so that the 14 hour one ties in with what would be our night time so he hopefully takes a chunk of that one asleep.

Anniversary - Thanks to those who left a comment, we have a nice evening.

Finding a way - I have been processing alot of info and decided the way to go for me was to work on the mind (this was brought up in comments by quite a few) I have been listening to a valuable audiobook by Dr Wayne Dyer. I love him and have a few books, podcasts etc. I will be listening to it again and hope to post the most powerful bits that have helped me, lets just say I'm learning to love me, its not about the body, it about loving me.

I have also continued with my power walking and averaging 6-7km each time I go out which is about 5-6 times a week.

Both Freddy and I enjoy this, I get my exercise and yes I am working hard (says my heart rate monitor) as every activity becomes a little harder when you have a belly and a bit of weight to carry! I also love being out in the gorgeous surroundings, fresh air and sunshine.

Freddy loves watching the trees, dogs and generally being outdoors.

I have decided on a way of eating that is a compromise between logging every calorie and g of food, trying to be 100% and at the opposite end, just eating whatever whenever so this will hopefully help me settle.

I ended up at 40 weeks pregnant having a 9.5kg gain with Freddy and would love to keep this pregnancy within 'guidelines' too so am aiming at 12kg gain at 40 weeks, this is the top end of guidelines but I personally believe a realistic goal for me this time and also a goal that makes afterwards more doable in the get back into shape department.

In saying that there will be no 'beating up' or 'failure' if this number increases :)

With regards to fitness goals, obviously nothing major planned at the moment, apart from another quick, natural and fab labour and birth! :) although I don't know I can beat 1 hour 9 minutes can I??

I will continue to walk lots but later next year I am really, no I mean really, looking forward to going for a jog!! (more like a plod!) so I am setting myself a goal for 2011 of covering 2011 km's!!

Break that down and it isn't as easy as it sounds! that's an average of 5.5km a day!! now I wont be able to walk everyday due to various reasons etc so will have to clock up more when I can and when I can start jogging again I can get through a few more.

I will be aiming for that but lets just say I'll get as close as possible, I'll log it in my sidebar so you can see how I'm going.

Christmas - Fast approaching and obviously I have a very special time coming up!

Freddy's first Christmas and hes at a gorgeous age, he will be 10 months on Christmas day.

Maddi is extremely excited and is still praying for snow whilst we are in the UK, I think she could be in for a flurry going on the forecast that is being given.

Bryce is a typical teenager, hes looking forward being with Family and his Christmas list consisted of 'Money'!! Hes saving for a APPLE.

Paul and I are really looking forward to being at home with family but also spending some quality time together.

I might get one more post in with some Wayne Dyer info before we depart but if not, have a great Christmas and New year. Spend it with those you love, stay safe.

Shar x

Happy Anniversary Bestest Husband In The World :)

Paul and I with Best Little Man Bryce getting our rings

Signing the register

LOVE YOU xxx

Hands up who loves mummy???

Here's my little guy at 9 months, where is the time going?

At the moment, apart from the normal smiles/giggles he also communicates that he likes something by either raising his hand or clapping like crazy. Cute.

Finding a way - Part 2..............

So following on from my last post, I am very grateful to those that took the time to comment with both there own experiences and also encouragement.

I didn’t want it to be a ‘poor me’ post but more so a realisation that if you keep doing what you’ve always done you will get what you always got and for me this meant a lifetime of yo-yo dieting which mentally has left me exhausted and craving some balance, physically has left me looking great/looking crap/looking great/looking crap, never just somewhere that I feel good that’s fits with me and my lifestyle and ultimately doing that to your body over and over will have a detrimental effect.

I have various Fitness related qualifications (cert 3, cert 4, pre post natal etc etc) and I would say I could train someone else, help someone else, BUT I will never do that again or re-enter the industry until I am happy I can help myself, do it for myself and be an inspiration (not just physically) to someone else.

I could easily go with what I have always done and seek help (yes even when I’m preg) BUT If I do not learn this for myself now as I said in my previous post I will be back to the same spot over and over.

The other thing is I need to do this for myself to discover me again, I am quite sad and ashamed to say I haven’t been the real me for quite a long time, a version of me, snippets of me but not 100% me.
This isn’t just attributed to weight, self image etc but I have allowed others to influence me in a way that I wouldn’t normally, not allowed myself to have the self belief to be the true me, its time to find me again, to have the belief in myself in ALL areas.

A few things that came up from you lovelies that commented –
Most of us have been there – this isn’t obviously what I want for others but it does help to know others have been there.
A few if not all of you have logged or do log - it has worked for me and I do believe it is right in some circumstances But for me right now it is controlling me and working in the opposite for me, so maybe I move to just writing my day out in a notebook, just so I’m aware of what I’m choosing but not totally consumed by calories and macro’s.
Positive thinking – I totally agree Thoughts become things. Liz, Magda and Samo mentioned this. I do believe if you look in the mirror and think ‘fat cow’ that is what you will be, if I look in the mirror and think ‘curvy, pregnant and healthy’ , even with some cellulite ;) then that’s what I will be.

So I am looking at a Action Plan , NOT a plan to follow, be restricted by, do 100% or nothing, a few guidelines to help me along this new journey that is ‘Finding The Real Shar.

I want to eat for health, energy and vitality
I want to exercise because I love it
I want to spread love everyday
I want to laugh so much it hurts :)

So looking at the wants above I will draw up my guidelines and be back soon.

Finding a way...........

I've been struggling a bit at for the last few weeks with a few things, one being the same old same old mentality with my weight, how I look, self worth etc etc.

I don’t think I have ever really revealed the depths to a lot of my issues on my blog and nor will I now, just to say I have had a life long struggle with all things image, weight, confidence etc. Most of you have seen the ‘big’pics.

When I say life long I think I remember feeling ‘chunky’ from about 10 or 11, actually I think I was told that? Anyway so maybe 25 years now, seriously WTF!!

I do believe being in an industry that is image focused since I was 16 has not helped and maybe even contributed, being 100kg plus and down twice brings it own issues and also competing twice has screwed with my expectations of myself mentally plus also physically had an impact.

Anyway…..to now, having lost most of Freddy weight that I gained after his birth (yeah, I know, who does that, gains after they’ve had the baby) I was sitting 3 kgs above my pre preggy weight when I fell preg again with Baby No.4.

The pregnancy started well, I was exercising and eating well then the dreaded Morning Sickness and Fatigue that comes in early pregnancy hit me and unfortunately those two things along with looking after a 4 month old baby got the better of me (for those excuse police out there and saying ‘yeah excuses’ ‘Morning sickness and tiredness shouldn't stop you’ I say WTFEver! Nicely of course J) I could only just make it through the day let alone exercise and my eating tended towards what I could stomach and that was carby type snacky stuff more often than not.

So in that 6 week period, thank god it didn’t carry on longer, I gained a ‘few’ kilos, to say I was pissed was an understatement and my whole shitty mentality around food, weight returned, looking in the mirror would set me off.

Luckily I reined it in and had a period of eating well and have been back to clocking up the KM’s, powerwalking with my bubba.
To help me focus I returned to Calorie King and logging cals in and cals out, sticking to a adequate limit to maintain pregnancy and build a healthy bubba, calorie logging works for me and the excess started to drop little by little each week BUT there was something different about the logging thing this time.

I started to feel controlled, anal and restricted and just generally it brought a huge focus to food, it was all about how much this, eat this then, don’t eat this, bad choice, good choice blah blah…..which I can’t stand anymore, its like freakin comp prep all over and last time I checked theres a belly with a baby in and no way I’m wanting to step on stage.

So in my wisdom I thought ‘you are doing well Shar, making good healthy choices, exercising, so why don’t you just eat like this but not have the analytical side of it and stop logging’

So stop logging I did, but I did jot down what I was having at each meal so I could visually see what my day looked like, fruit, veg etc.

This worked for me for a bit………feeling when I was hungry, not eating to numbers, choosing good foods, I even stopped getting on the scales everyday (yep I said everyday!) then came a day when I was tired (normal when you have 3 kids plus other stuff to do right?), hormonal (normal when your pregnant right?) and just generally having I can’t stand myself day.
I was getting dressed and caught myself in the mirror, then come all the ‘habit thoughts’ that are so programmed in that I just have no control over them, they defeat me every time.

From there its not been a great place for me.
I have been basically making shitty food choices and generally abusing myself using food, beating myself up for heading in the same direction with this pregnancy as I did with my 1st two kids and gaining in excess of 30kg, beating myself up for not being ‘normal’ (although my husband assures me there is no ‘normal’), worrying about people judging me etc etc

Then comes the want to design a plan, calorie count and be ‘in control’ (or be controlled) follow a plan, go 100% or nothing, etc etc to try and fix what I'm seeing as a big disaster in the mirror, but again this is just habits I have formed over many years and I do know this isn’t the way for me anymore.

I have done some work on my thoughts and am aware that it has nothing to do with the food and has all to do with loving myself enough to respect and honour myself.

I have a lot to work through but my main aim is to come to the understanding that food really doesn’t have a lot to do with it, I have to be content and love myself enough that I don’t use food to abuse myself if the scale doesn’t tell me the right thing.

I also do not want to have to log every calorie everyday for the rest of my life or follow a plan to get to a place and stay there on the scales, its all well and good having something that works for you, a plan, a way you do things, following the latest diet etc but are you really able to follow that for the rest of your life to stay at the place you get to?

There are times when calorie counting, planning, having someone coach me will be of use to me, for example I may want to run a ½ marathon/marathon (always been a goal of mine, I LOVE running) and knowing that I am fuelling my body adequately would be an advantage………..I may want to compete again one day (almost 100% sure I wont but never say never) and then a plan/knowing the ins and outs is essential……
but to be
- a mum,
- to function well each day,
- to be a healthy role model,
- to be a size 10-12 and look good in my clothes not skeletal

do I need to be anal?
do I need to log everything?
do I need to deprive myself of a Chai latte (insert daily treat here)?
do I need to be thinking what the next meal is because I’m hungry?
do I need to say we can’t cook to my little girl because I cannot resist having a dip and how the FU%^ do you log that?

I crave getting to a place with my ‘weight’ and how I see myself in the mirror where I don’t over analyze and I just let it be.
I over think / analyse a lot and just need to keep it simple as posted by Alicia and Nicole last week.
Eat when hungry, stay active and do exercise because I love it and look after me and my true self.

I am overweight right now (for the stage of pregnancy I’m at) there is no excuse for gaining more than recommended in pregnancy, I do want to be healthy and fit, I do want to ‘look’ good and wear my fav clothes but I just need to work out the way of getting there this time (yeah again…yawn) that is doable without pain, suffering and restriction and that is maintainable long term, because at the end of the day if its not long term, I’ll be here again over and over, year after year and that is what I am not willing to do anymore.

Lets see what happens……………………..but one things for sure, I have more important things to focus my energy on and maybe if I do things will fall into place for themselves?
Thanks for listening xx