Nearly Feb???? and update

WTF???
Seriously I have no idea where the time goes. I used to think time passed by quickly when I had 2 kids but it is just speeding by since I had Freddy so I have no idea what will happen when this new bubba boy arrives shortly.

I have had moments of guilt associated with the fact that early on in this pregnancy I sometimes forgot I was pregnant and also this time the appointments have seemed a hassle to get to and get through, especially with bubs and kids to sort etc, luckily I have a great hubby and he has been to all of them with me, well apart from my 2 hour Glucose Tolerance Test as he was at home on Freddy duty :)

Freddy was 11 months yesterday, a few weeks and the big first birthday will be here, he's just too cute at the moment, dancing, speed crawling, standing (wobbling) like a drunk at the furniture, starting to speak proper words (yes he did do a full and proper MUMMY yesterday instead of mum-ma), communicating in cute ways like pointing at stuff or crawling to stuff.

He just adores his big brother and sister and the feeling is totally mutual, they just dote on him, it so gorgeous to see.

I am under no illusion that the new bub and Freddy being so close in age will be such hard work to start with but am so excited to see them grow up so close in age and have no doubt they will be best buddies.

It will be great to experience both having kids with a bigger age gap and also a very close age gap, we are blessed.

So other than the weeks speeding by I haven't really been up to much since we got back from the UK, speaking of which, was, apart from time with family of course a trip I am stating as a disappointment.

In short, apart from Paul, my lot were sick, I spent 3 days in bed and a few days each side of those feeling ill and then trying to get better for the flight home, then my family - my sisters kids, my nan, my step dad were all sick at different times which made things hard to co-ordinate so we didn't share different germs......ANYway, the days we did get together were of course great and I am missing my mum and step dad heaps and it doesn't seem to be getting easier.

I also had forgotten how it feels to be in a true British winter!!! I know Paul and I were feeling the shut away in a house feeling, it was too icy to walk in, to cold for Freddy to be out for any length of time and Maddi had heaps of energy to burn and nowhere to do it!!

I will never moan about an Aussie winter again that's for sure!!

In saying that I had a few pluses that came from the trip one of those being that although I would love to be closer to family (it is extremely lonely here with no family or support network) I do now feel I am 'home'.

This is the country I want to be in, the country I want to bring up my kids in and the country to build our base in................ for them and the generations to come. We are extrememly lucky to be here and Australia is an amazing country with amazing people.

I now have 9 weeks 4 days left til the ever awaited due date of bubs number 4 and as I said it has gone quickly.

I feel he will be on time maybe even a little early, given my due date the Family Birth Centre are working from is a week later than my dates date. If given the choice the midwives there take the later date so as you get the opportunity to birth there as if you are to be induced you can't birth there you have to go to the main hospital.

In saying that I had a low placenta at my 20 week ultrasound and have a 34 week scan to confirm where it is then. if it has cleared I can have my normal birth, if not I will have to have a C-Sec which in all honesty, in my opinion, is the worst thing that could happen. I have spoken with my friend Mr.Google and he reliably :) tells me 95% of those who have placenta low at 20 will be fine by 34 weeks and able to birth normally. So trying not to get worked up about it and will know in a few weeks.

In other news from Shar, I am struggling with a few areas at the moment and they are causing me or rather, I am allowing them to affect me more than needed and trying to figure a way to pick myself back up and just get on with it.

I have a very wise, calm, centered hubby who has for about the past 2 years been developing himself not only professionally but spiritually aswell and as usual he has wise words, writings for me to read and unconditional love, all of which are helping me, more than he knows.

I am working on loving me and trying to believe and see the good things others see in me, then and only then will I be able to move forward.

I'm also setting goals, both physical and emotional, that are long term, as the short term shite I have done over and over are not for me anymore, especially if I want changes to be permanent.

I am thinking I will set the end of 2011 as my re-assessment date and maybe start a diary style daily (if possible with 4 kids) blog post so I have the journey recorded and can share honestly the good and bad days............because there are days that aren't so great aren't there? and it would be kinda refreshing to read some real stuff not all the fluffy stuff that smells of roses.