Saturday saw me start strong and was feeling better after just one day of totally clean eating, then comes Sunday, eat clean all day until evening and then starts the little voice, lets call her BB = binging bitch! 'oh go on have some tea with the kids, eat some peanut butter and cheese and crackers, you've still got 9 weeks 6 days left'
So I go have a sit down, tell BB to piss off, she comes back at me telling me she knows I'm gonna give in etc etc, and guess what - I bloody do.
So then I get into the guilt thing but re-assure myself that tomorrows a new day and all will be well. Except Monday night comes and I decide to make double choc fudge brownies with the kids, I mean as if choc fudge brownies aren't enough, lets do the freaking double choc ones.
Anyway say no more, another round with BB and I have a few brownies.
Ear bashing (probably the wrong word - STRONG ENCOURAGEMENT? )
I text Di today, racked with guilt that I haven't told her, feeling bloaty and fat and she says to call her after my class. I do so and the conversation was very encouraging and I start to feel positive, she then asks me how long until my Les Mills presentation, I state 2 and a half weeks but I'm thinking I may not pursue the whole thing...........................well, I will leave the response I got to your imagination, Di having been in regular contact with me now since April knows how much I want to do this and how much my teaching means to me. To say the least I was told there is no way I was giving that up just because of a few days of BB fights.
So after some 'strong encouragement' Di also told to revisit my NLP that I had been through earlier in the year, this was so important to be reminded of. I also got a super duper text from Di, I felt my energy rise and desire to succeed return.
My issue is NOT about food it is about belief in myself and re-programming old habits/issues and beliefs I have about myself and my self worth. Been back through this a little already and feel much more in control, will also do some of the visualization and light trance work before bed.
A positive to be found in this is I have consistently trained so therefore have made great leaps and not gone to my all or nothing with food and training having to be 100% or not at all.
Will be focusing in on my NLP and visualization.
Focusing on the belief in me and not associating this as an issue with food and after comp issues.
I am worth it and I can continue my journey, especially my Les Mills journey :)
Must try and log daily stuff here, said I would and didn't get around to it.
Di - luv ya and Thanks again.