32 down, 8 to go, 2011 My Year?

Wow I'm 32 weeks pregnant today, only 8 to go and we all get to meet our little man, my bum belly is huge, people think I only have a few weeks to go, but bubs is on the right track, not big for dates.
Here's a pic -

My big boy is 15 tomorrow!! that scares me so much and makes me feel sooooooo old, 34 isn't old right??
Not long til Freddy's 1st birthday either, going too fast.

2011 My Year -
So my challenge to myself is coming together.............by 1st December, 1st day of summer, I will be a Slimmer Mumma for Summer :) Corney I know but you get the idea.

Ive been pregnant since May 2009 until April 2011, all except 4 months, in which time I had a newborn. So its time for me to make this year the year I get my mojo back and end it in style, feeling great, looking great and being great.

A long haul challenge, not 8 weeks, not 12 weeks, not even 6 months - 11 months to get real, meet lots of little mini goals -
- start jogging after bubs and complete a half marathon at the end of August,
- shift the excess baby weight I have gained this time
- shift plus some :)
- Return to Bodyattack first as a participant then as an instructor again, aiming for Spring roster that starts September
- be the best mum I can be to 4 children
- nourish my marriage to a simply amazing man

..............I'm sure there's more to come but you get the idea.

I'm going to record every single week here, no missing weeks or 'starting' again because they
weren't to my OLD all or nothing standards, I must admit, I am was tempted to just sit out the 8 weeks on my merry way and 'start' after I had had bubs, but the way my body is responding to the end stages of pregnancy at the moment I know I could easily have an extra 5-8kg to contend with if I don't bring a bit more regular exercise in again and choose to eat a little less and make better choices.

I few bits to organise and I'll be back with some more regular updates and find some way to log this on my blog.

Here's me and Baby Freddy, had to call him that as apparently he becomes a toddler from 12 months onwards..........as us mums know though, they are always or 'babies' :)

Nearly Feb???? and update

WTF???
Seriously I have no idea where the time goes. I used to think time passed by quickly when I had 2 kids but it is just speeding by since I had Freddy so I have no idea what will happen when this new bubba boy arrives shortly.

I have had moments of guilt associated with the fact that early on in this pregnancy I sometimes forgot I was pregnant and also this time the appointments have seemed a hassle to get to and get through, especially with bubs and kids to sort etc, luckily I have a great hubby and he has been to all of them with me, well apart from my 2 hour Glucose Tolerance Test as he was at home on Freddy duty :)

Freddy was 11 months yesterday, a few weeks and the big first birthday will be here, he's just too cute at the moment, dancing, speed crawling, standing (wobbling) like a drunk at the furniture, starting to speak proper words (yes he did do a full and proper MUMMY yesterday instead of mum-ma), communicating in cute ways like pointing at stuff or crawling to stuff.

He just adores his big brother and sister and the feeling is totally mutual, they just dote on him, it so gorgeous to see.

I am under no illusion that the new bub and Freddy being so close in age will be such hard work to start with but am so excited to see them grow up so close in age and have no doubt they will be best buddies.

It will be great to experience both having kids with a bigger age gap and also a very close age gap, we are blessed.

So other than the weeks speeding by I haven't really been up to much since we got back from the UK, speaking of which, was, apart from time with family of course a trip I am stating as a disappointment.

In short, apart from Paul, my lot were sick, I spent 3 days in bed and a few days each side of those feeling ill and then trying to get better for the flight home, then my family - my sisters kids, my nan, my step dad were all sick at different times which made things hard to co-ordinate so we didn't share different germs......ANYway, the days we did get together were of course great and I am missing my mum and step dad heaps and it doesn't seem to be getting easier.

I also had forgotten how it feels to be in a true British winter!!! I know Paul and I were feeling the shut away in a house feeling, it was too icy to walk in, to cold for Freddy to be out for any length of time and Maddi had heaps of energy to burn and nowhere to do it!!

I will never moan about an Aussie winter again that's for sure!!

In saying that I had a few pluses that came from the trip one of those being that although I would love to be closer to family (it is extremely lonely here with no family or support network) I do now feel I am 'home'.

This is the country I want to be in, the country I want to bring up my kids in and the country to build our base in................ for them and the generations to come. We are extrememly lucky to be here and Australia is an amazing country with amazing people.

I now have 9 weeks 4 days left til the ever awaited due date of bubs number 4 and as I said it has gone quickly.

I feel he will be on time maybe even a little early, given my due date the Family Birth Centre are working from is a week later than my dates date. If given the choice the midwives there take the later date so as you get the opportunity to birth there as if you are to be induced you can't birth there you have to go to the main hospital.

In saying that I had a low placenta at my 20 week ultrasound and have a 34 week scan to confirm where it is then. if it has cleared I can have my normal birth, if not I will have to have a C-Sec which in all honesty, in my opinion, is the worst thing that could happen. I have spoken with my friend Mr.Google and he reliably :) tells me 95% of those who have placenta low at 20 will be fine by 34 weeks and able to birth normally. So trying not to get worked up about it and will know in a few weeks.

In other news from Shar, I am struggling with a few areas at the moment and they are causing me or rather, I am allowing them to affect me more than needed and trying to figure a way to pick myself back up and just get on with it.

I have a very wise, calm, centered hubby who has for about the past 2 years been developing himself not only professionally but spiritually aswell and as usual he has wise words, writings for me to read and unconditional love, all of which are helping me, more than he knows.

I am working on loving me and trying to believe and see the good things others see in me, then and only then will I be able to move forward.

I'm also setting goals, both physical and emotional, that are long term, as the short term shite I have done over and over are not for me anymore, especially if I want changes to be permanent.

I am thinking I will set the end of 2011 as my re-assessment date and maybe start a diary style daily (if possible with 4 kids) blog post so I have the journey recorded and can share honestly the good and bad days............because there are days that aren't so great aren't there? and it would be kinda refreshing to read some real stuff not all the fluffy stuff that smells of roses.

Back from UK, being sick sucks, so does jet lag, 12 weeks till new bub :)

The End...........for now

YEAH, REALLY FUNNY................

...........NOT!!!!!

Heathrow Airport......was closed, open for limited flights now, more bad weather expected.

Come on weather person, give us some good news, we're supposed to be on a plane tomorrow,

don't make me tell my kids we might not make it for Christmas.

Update - all departments

Update time -

UK TRIP - 3 sleeps left!! Cant wait and as soon as Paul is home after his private clients this morning we will be starting the packing process, which, will be quite simple up until hand luggage when it needs a bit more thought for Freddy.

Bryce is obviously easy, he will sleep and watch films, listen to music and play apps on his i touch.

We have small gifts to give Maddi (mainly activity stuff for her) on the flight, she has the in flight entertainment to use and I have looked at the films and there are a few she will enjoy so that's good, Paul has also loaded her i touch with a few films and we are getting her a few new apps to play.

We have got a small bag of new bits and bobs for Freddy, I call them 'save the day' toys! so those along with sleep, other playing, walking about, smiling at people (his speciality as he knows it gets attention!) we may just manage!

I have booked the flight so that the 14 hour one ties in with what would be our night time so he hopefully takes a chunk of that one asleep.

Anniversary - Thanks to those who left a comment, we have a nice evening.

Finding a way - I have been processing alot of info and decided the way to go for me was to work on the mind (this was brought up in comments by quite a few) I have been listening to a valuable audiobook by Dr Wayne Dyer. I love him and have a few books, podcasts etc. I will be listening to it again and hope to post the most powerful bits that have helped me, lets just say I'm learning to love me, its not about the body, it about loving me.

I have also continued with my power walking and averaging 6-7km each time I go out which is about 5-6 times a week.

Both Freddy and I enjoy this, I get my exercise and yes I am working hard (says my heart rate monitor) as every activity becomes a little harder when you have a belly and a bit of weight to carry! I also love being out in the gorgeous surroundings, fresh air and sunshine.

Freddy loves watching the trees, dogs and generally being outdoors.

I have decided on a way of eating that is a compromise between logging every calorie and g of food, trying to be 100% and at the opposite end, just eating whatever whenever so this will hopefully help me settle.

I ended up at 40 weeks pregnant having a 9.5kg gain with Freddy and would love to keep this pregnancy within 'guidelines' too so am aiming at 12kg gain at 40 weeks, this is the top end of guidelines but I personally believe a realistic goal for me this time and also a goal that makes afterwards more doable in the get back into shape department.

In saying that there will be no 'beating up' or 'failure' if this number increases :)

With regards to fitness goals, obviously nothing major planned at the moment, apart from another quick, natural and fab labour and birth! :) although I don't know I can beat 1 hour 9 minutes can I??

I will continue to walk lots but later next year I am really, no I mean really, looking forward to going for a jog!! (more like a plod!) so I am setting myself a goal for 2011 of covering 2011 km's!!

Break that down and it isn't as easy as it sounds! that's an average of 5.5km a day!! now I wont be able to walk everyday due to various reasons etc so will have to clock up more when I can and when I can start jogging again I can get through a few more.

I will be aiming for that but lets just say I'll get as close as possible, I'll log it in my sidebar so you can see how I'm going.

Christmas - Fast approaching and obviously I have a very special time coming up!

Freddy's first Christmas and hes at a gorgeous age, he will be 10 months on Christmas day.

Maddi is extremely excited and is still praying for snow whilst we are in the UK, I think she could be in for a flurry going on the forecast that is being given.

Bryce is a typical teenager, hes looking forward being with Family and his Christmas list consisted of 'Money'!! Hes saving for a APPLE.

Paul and I are really looking forward to being at home with family but also spending some quality time together.

I might get one more post in with some Wayne Dyer info before we depart but if not, have a great Christmas and New year. Spend it with those you love, stay safe.

Shar x

Happy Anniversary Bestest Husband In The World :)

Paul and I with Best Little Man Bryce getting our rings

Signing the register

LOVE YOU xxx

Hands up who loves mummy???

Here's my little guy at 9 months, where is the time going?

At the moment, apart from the normal smiles/giggles he also communicates that he likes something by either raising his hand or clapping like crazy. Cute.

Finding a way - Part 2..............

So following on from my last post, I am very grateful to those that took the time to comment with both there own experiences and also encouragement.

I didn’t want it to be a ‘poor me’ post but more so a realisation that if you keep doing what you’ve always done you will get what you always got and for me this meant a lifetime of yo-yo dieting which mentally has left me exhausted and craving some balance, physically has left me looking great/looking crap/looking great/looking crap, never just somewhere that I feel good that’s fits with me and my lifestyle and ultimately doing that to your body over and over will have a detrimental effect.

I have various Fitness related qualifications (cert 3, cert 4, pre post natal etc etc) and I would say I could train someone else, help someone else, BUT I will never do that again or re-enter the industry until I am happy I can help myself, do it for myself and be an inspiration (not just physically) to someone else.

I could easily go with what I have always done and seek help (yes even when I’m preg) BUT If I do not learn this for myself now as I said in my previous post I will be back to the same spot over and over.

The other thing is I need to do this for myself to discover me again, I am quite sad and ashamed to say I haven’t been the real me for quite a long time, a version of me, snippets of me but not 100% me.
This isn’t just attributed to weight, self image etc but I have allowed others to influence me in a way that I wouldn’t normally, not allowed myself to have the self belief to be the true me, its time to find me again, to have the belief in myself in ALL areas.

A few things that came up from you lovelies that commented –
Most of us have been there – this isn’t obviously what I want for others but it does help to know others have been there.
A few if not all of you have logged or do log - it has worked for me and I do believe it is right in some circumstances But for me right now it is controlling me and working in the opposite for me, so maybe I move to just writing my day out in a notebook, just so I’m aware of what I’m choosing but not totally consumed by calories and macro’s.
Positive thinking – I totally agree Thoughts become things. Liz, Magda and Samo mentioned this. I do believe if you look in the mirror and think ‘fat cow’ that is what you will be, if I look in the mirror and think ‘curvy, pregnant and healthy’ , even with some cellulite ;) then that’s what I will be.

So I am looking at a Action Plan , NOT a plan to follow, be restricted by, do 100% or nothing, a few guidelines to help me along this new journey that is ‘Finding The Real Shar.

I want to eat for health, energy and vitality
I want to exercise because I love it
I want to spread love everyday
I want to laugh so much it hurts :)

So looking at the wants above I will draw up my guidelines and be back soon.

Finding a way...........

I've been struggling a bit at for the last few weeks with a few things, one being the same old same old mentality with my weight, how I look, self worth etc etc.

I don’t think I have ever really revealed the depths to a lot of my issues on my blog and nor will I now, just to say I have had a life long struggle with all things image, weight, confidence etc. Most of you have seen the ‘big’pics.

When I say life long I think I remember feeling ‘chunky’ from about 10 or 11, actually I think I was told that? Anyway so maybe 25 years now, seriously WTF!!

I do believe being in an industry that is image focused since I was 16 has not helped and maybe even contributed, being 100kg plus and down twice brings it own issues and also competing twice has screwed with my expectations of myself mentally plus also physically had an impact.

Anyway…..to now, having lost most of Freddy weight that I gained after his birth (yeah, I know, who does that, gains after they’ve had the baby) I was sitting 3 kgs above my pre preggy weight when I fell preg again with Baby No.4.

The pregnancy started well, I was exercising and eating well then the dreaded Morning Sickness and Fatigue that comes in early pregnancy hit me and unfortunately those two things along with looking after a 4 month old baby got the better of me (for those excuse police out there and saying ‘yeah excuses’ ‘Morning sickness and tiredness shouldn't stop you’ I say WTFEver! Nicely of course J) I could only just make it through the day let alone exercise and my eating tended towards what I could stomach and that was carby type snacky stuff more often than not.

So in that 6 week period, thank god it didn’t carry on longer, I gained a ‘few’ kilos, to say I was pissed was an understatement and my whole shitty mentality around food, weight returned, looking in the mirror would set me off.

Luckily I reined it in and had a period of eating well and have been back to clocking up the KM’s, powerwalking with my bubba.
To help me focus I returned to Calorie King and logging cals in and cals out, sticking to a adequate limit to maintain pregnancy and build a healthy bubba, calorie logging works for me and the excess started to drop little by little each week BUT there was something different about the logging thing this time.

I started to feel controlled, anal and restricted and just generally it brought a huge focus to food, it was all about how much this, eat this then, don’t eat this, bad choice, good choice blah blah…..which I can’t stand anymore, its like freakin comp prep all over and last time I checked theres a belly with a baby in and no way I’m wanting to step on stage.

So in my wisdom I thought ‘you are doing well Shar, making good healthy choices, exercising, so why don’t you just eat like this but not have the analytical side of it and stop logging’

So stop logging I did, but I did jot down what I was having at each meal so I could visually see what my day looked like, fruit, veg etc.

This worked for me for a bit………feeling when I was hungry, not eating to numbers, choosing good foods, I even stopped getting on the scales everyday (yep I said everyday!) then came a day when I was tired (normal when you have 3 kids plus other stuff to do right?), hormonal (normal when your pregnant right?) and just generally having I can’t stand myself day.
I was getting dressed and caught myself in the mirror, then come all the ‘habit thoughts’ that are so programmed in that I just have no control over them, they defeat me every time.

From there its not been a great place for me.
I have been basically making shitty food choices and generally abusing myself using food, beating myself up for heading in the same direction with this pregnancy as I did with my 1st two kids and gaining in excess of 30kg, beating myself up for not being ‘normal’ (although my husband assures me there is no ‘normal’), worrying about people judging me etc etc

Then comes the want to design a plan, calorie count and be ‘in control’ (or be controlled) follow a plan, go 100% or nothing, etc etc to try and fix what I'm seeing as a big disaster in the mirror, but again this is just habits I have formed over many years and I do know this isn’t the way for me anymore.

I have done some work on my thoughts and am aware that it has nothing to do with the food and has all to do with loving myself enough to respect and honour myself.

I have a lot to work through but my main aim is to come to the understanding that food really doesn’t have a lot to do with it, I have to be content and love myself enough that I don’t use food to abuse myself if the scale doesn’t tell me the right thing.

I also do not want to have to log every calorie everyday for the rest of my life or follow a plan to get to a place and stay there on the scales, its all well and good having something that works for you, a plan, a way you do things, following the latest diet etc but are you really able to follow that for the rest of your life to stay at the place you get to?

There are times when calorie counting, planning, having someone coach me will be of use to me, for example I may want to run a ½ marathon/marathon (always been a goal of mine, I LOVE running) and knowing that I am fuelling my body adequately would be an advantage………..I may want to compete again one day (almost 100% sure I wont but never say never) and then a plan/knowing the ins and outs is essential……
but to be
- a mum,
- to function well each day,
- to be a healthy role model,
- to be a size 10-12 and look good in my clothes not skeletal

do I need to be anal?
do I need to log everything?
do I need to deprive myself of a Chai latte (insert daily treat here)?
do I need to be thinking what the next meal is because I’m hungry?
do I need to say we can’t cook to my little girl because I cannot resist having a dip and how the FU%^ do you log that?

I crave getting to a place with my ‘weight’ and how I see myself in the mirror where I don’t over analyze and I just let it be.
I over think / analyse a lot and just need to keep it simple as posted by Alicia and Nicole last week.
Eat when hungry, stay active and do exercise because I love it and look after me and my true self.

I am overweight right now (for the stage of pregnancy I’m at) there is no excuse for gaining more than recommended in pregnancy, I do want to be healthy and fit, I do want to ‘look’ good and wear my fav clothes but I just need to work out the way of getting there this time (yeah again…yawn) that is doable without pain, suffering and restriction and that is maintainable long term, because at the end of the day if its not long term, I’ll be here again over and over, year after year and that is what I am not willing to do anymore.

Lets see what happens……………………..but one things for sure, I have more important things to focus my energy on and maybe if I do things will fall into place for themselves?
Thanks for listening xx

Scan pictures & 21 days

Im now 22 weeks and 2 weeks ago we had our 20 week scan.
Bubs is doing great, measuring a bit ahead (which puts me back to the first date I had anyway).
Here's a few pictures of bubba boy.

21 DAYS TIL WE FLY TO THE UK FOR CHRISTMAS!! HELL YEAH!!

Just the way you are......

My gorgeous hubby told me the other day this song was for me...........the words really fit where i am in my life right now, that and the fact that I know 110% he means it is all I need as a pick me up when old thoughts, behaviours and doubts creep in.

I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE TOO xxx

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful and I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know, when I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so, sad to think she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates it but I think its sexy
She's so beautiful I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say


I love the Bruno Mars Version but this version by Boyce Avanue is pauls Fav.

Wowzers.....

I'm 20 weeks pregnant!!! where the hell did that go?

I guess looking after Freddy (8 1/2 months now) plus my 2 others, doing all the running around for Maddi's gymnastics now she has moved up to a group that trains 4 x week for a total of 14 1/2 hours per week, general wifey stuff, house stuff blah blah is not allowing me much time to breath let alone think about being pregnant!!

Its all good, pregnancy can be a long journey and you can get caught up in every little thing, but at least this way as long as I get to all the correct appts and bubs is growing well and healthy I will be at due date before I know it!!

What else has been happening? (taking a leaf out of Maryanne's book) I will list in point form -

- WE ARE GOING TO THE UK FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am (apart from the plane with a 9 1/2 month old!) we only decided maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago. Initially I was going to go with just Maddi and Freddy but luckily we are all going now which will be wonderful. I get to see all my family and meet my nephew! :) more to come on this.

- I have been back to exercise for a bit now and I'm loving it, I hate getting into the rut I got into when the Morning Sickness hit and glad I dragged myself out. I am a Power Walking Machine!

Another post to come on this.

- Freddy is gorgeous, nearly crawling, has a cute smile with his teeth (just 2 left to come on the bottom before we get a break), eating big boys food, still an angel in every way, here's a recent picture.

- I have finished up my GFM job as you know but also decided it was a chance to take a break from teaching group fitness, with the view I will reassess and return after bubs.

I have vowed to be true to myself from now on and only do the things in life that bring me joy, that I love etc.

I can't teach Bodyattack being pregnant (well I could and did last time but choose not to this time and now I have a bump its hard!) and this is what I love, so it seemed and appropriate time to take a break.

Having been in the industry in some way, shape or form since I was 16, I cannot tell you how cool I am with not having to go into a gym and the environment that comes with it sometimes.

I do however miss the members and delivering the experience.

- I have the most amazing husband.

- I am making headway in learning to just 'be', slowly but I am getting there. The Ah-ha moments are becoming more frequent.

- My big kids are as gorgeous as Freddy, here they are -

- HAVE A GREAT WEEK

Shar x

Out of the mouths of babes.........

...........or a 6 year old

Me and my girl walk to school every morning, I started this a way of getting extra quality time with her, Freddy gets to see lots and gets fresh air, and I get to push 21kg and powerwalk for exercise, win win.

Along with all the above benefits is the fact that my girl and I have so much fun, generally we talk about fairy's, looking at all the different fairy gardens etc plus I hear all the details of school etc.

Anyway yesterday I was cracking up as the following conversation occurred, about 3/4
of the way to school, along a quiet side street, we see a baby magpie -

Me - Oh look there's a baby magpie
Her - Where?
Me - On the grass there look *pointing*
Her - How do you know that's a baby?
Me - You see its all fluffy and grey, the colours of its feathers aren't sharp, its smaller as well
Her - Whats he doing there?
Me - Well they have to learn to survive on there own, so they leave their mummy and have to learn everything for themselves
Her - Really? That's very sad
Me - Whys that sad?
Her - Well I wouldn't want to be born in a hedge on the side of the road and have to leave you to survive on my own, poor Magpie.

Eco Tankas

You may or may not know that we stock Eco Tankas the stainless steel drinks bottle, of course I'm sure your all aware of the benefits of not drinking from Plastic and also the fact that these bottles last forever pretty much! Anyway I am nearing the time to put in a new order but need to clear out the remaining first so we know where we are at.

As a few of the blogger girlies have ordered from me previously I thought I'd place on here my remaining stock so all your health conscious peeps out there can get one from me if you need.
It s a great time to get sorted before the weather heats up and the koolers really do help keep cool water cool!

I need to clear stock so have lowered the cost from the RRP (rrp in brackets). This is what I have left to clear -

2 x Teeny Tanka 350ml with Screw in Loop Top - $ 15.00 ($17.90)
1 x Teeny Tanka 350ml with Pop up Sports lid - $15.00 ($17.90)
TEENY KOOLER - 1 x PINK - $6.00 ($7.95)
Teeny Tanka Adapter and Avent Sippy Spout - $10.00 ($14.95)

1 x Mini Tanka 600ml with Screw in Loop Top - $18.00 ($22.00)
1 x Mini Tanka 600ml with Pop up Sports Lid - $18.00 ($22.00)

1 x Supa Tanka 1.2l With Pop up Sports Lid - $23.00 ($27.50)
SUPA KOOLER - 1 x DARK BLUE - $8.00 ($10.95)

1 x Mega Tanka 2.0l with Screw in Loop Top - $29.00 ($34.75)
MEGA KOOLER - 1 x Black - $9.00 ($11.95)

If your interested, please e mail me and I can confirm postage, pretty much they all go in a $6.00 pre-paid Satchel and can get 2 of the smaller ones in one satchel, apart from the MEGA TANKA!!!! which has to go in a big satchel or I can send as a parcel a bit cheaper I believe.

Here's a picture for those that don't know what they look like -

And one with some of the koolers, colours I have are listed above -

Why not grab someone you care about who is still drinking from plastic a Chrissie pressie?

Shar x

Joining In - Nailing November

I'm jumping into November with Liz and alot of others and Nailing November

The things I will nail in November are -

- My bedtime - been getting to late, back to earlier nights to ensure I have the energy to work full time (SAHM, Wife and Housekeeper), be pregnant! and train as well as possible.

- Try really hard to work on, as Paul puts it, my 'throw my hands in the air' habit when things get hard / tough / get on top of me etc etc.

- Be confident enough to pursue my current project

- Appreciate everyday, everything I have.

Well, nothing to hard there but just need to revisit these daily to ensure I'm on top of them and you never know November could bring some great new habits!

THANKS Liz and good luck all that are nailing!! :)

Shar x