Sunday, May 10, 2009

2009 so far........and whats next?

Thanks for the comments girls, great to see that you agree, this is my blog and a place for me to record, rant, rave, ask for help, travel and learn, so that is what I intend on doing all in real and honest way.

Moving on …………2009 Update – Health and Fitness
January saw me heavy, bloaty and out of shape.
I was still see-sawing from my 2nd comp in July 2008. The initial bloat and gain after comp was a pretty reasonable amount on the scales but what I saw or how I perceived my mirror image was telling me otherwise.

So I spent Aug – Dec 08 doing the ‘make a food plan’ ‘exercise like a nutter’ cycle, which totally does not work for me, I feel restricted, angry and uncontrollable.
Then came Jan 09, time to ‘try again’.
This time though, I made a little headway, OK so I exercised like a nutter but I seemed to mend the nutrition side of things.
I started to log in calorie king, setting myself a calorie limit that was sensible, eating a range of ‘normal’ foods and kept this consistent for more than 12 weeks, a good amount of time to make changes on the scale and to my body shape.

I was starting to receive comments from my class members; clothes I hadn’t seen for a while were emerging to be my friend again.

After another 2 weeks the results then started to slow and even stopped, indicating I was over training and not eating enough calories, so, I upped my calories and pulled back on the exercise………… down went the scales!!

Then a classic Shar moment, a freakin idiotic mindset, a you’ve worked hard you deserve it moment.
A two week holiday, no exercise (Ok not NO exercise, but a lot less than normal) and calories in excess, no logging, no good food, allowing others very poor choices be influence me.
WTF??????????? Come on Shar, you really aren’t that stupid, you know what works and what doesn’t, you are riding the same merry go round over and over and it really ain’t that merry, so why the hell don’t you get the fu*k off!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here I am still sitting on the waltzer, a few kilos back on, actually not a few…. freakin 4 kilos!!, feeling like a puffer fish, feelings from my past resurfacing, no self worth due to the ‘ you always ruin everything’ mindset and feeling disappointed in myself, that I had found something that worked but yet I let old habits creep back in.

BUT… trying to harness my focus of always looking for a positive here are some points I need to remember…………

1) I have found a new way of eating that works for me, its balanced, not restricted and that I did find easy to stick to. Calories in, Calories out.
2) I was consistent for 14 weeks, longer than I have managed even longer than a comp prep.
3) For a short time there I felt in control again and I am more determined to get the control back.
4) I have learnt that I need to remain true to myself when around others.

So moving forward, what would be worse than any of the above would be that I do not kick myself up the arse and get back to it.

I have just stated that logging my food intake worked for me, gave me control, so that is what is to be done on that front.
Exercise wise I am really trying to remove past beliefs and take on board what my gorgeous husband it telling me and embrace a change.

I am so cool with my decision to resign from my GFM position, it was really causing me some stress and it is a decision I have been fighting with for 4 months.
It now allows me more time, less stress, I get to help Paul with the business and do what I love…………teach my classes

I am going to embrace this time for change and see what the hell I can do with the rest of 2009!!!

As usual I feel I need a goal, I do one day hope that I can make the goals smaller or further between so that I end up re-educating myself just to do this because I want a great lifestyle.
Yes, those that are living that perfect lifestyle will think that also, but you know what, everything I have written above proves I’m not perfect and am far from it right now, so I will do what I need to do now and know that every time I try something I learn a little more to add to what I learnt before.

So what’s the goal??

Well I have to fess up, 10 days ago I started a 12 week challenge. 4 days ago I pressed pause!!!
Yep you heard it, I managed 6 days, well actually I haven’t actually stopped I just have let the mindset of ‘I’ve failed’ creep in cause I had a few extra ‘treats’ and yes some were today for Mothers day, which if I had been properly logging, that I know works for me, I could have worked in!!!
Anyway I am determined to continue and reign my focus back in but I have to change something.
So now my goal has changed from going hard for 12 weeks to taking a mind and body challenge, doing things and being open to trying things I have never tried before.
I will re-shape my body by way of a consistent training programme.
I will re-shape my mind by working through NLP protocols, looking back at past behaviors, researching meditation / relaxation techniques, taking a positive approach to myself and my body image.

So I have 74 days left (from Monday), I will set myself weekly goals for both training and re-shaping my mind.
Obviously, if I make it that far, I have to have made enough mental changes to realize it is not a stopping point, it is purely a time to assess what I have achieved and continue the good work and if needed set another focus.

So lets see bloggers, can Shar make some changes that will carry over or will it be same old same old, will she still be on the (not so) merry go round??


Anonymous said...

SHAR!!! Can you email me? would love to exchange phone numbers - need to chat to you because i'm reading your blog and i feel like it's ME writing....I am going through the exact same thing, I keep starting something then stopping, feeling like a big fat f**king failure, BUT i've turned myself around the past couple of weeks, still not happy with my size but happy that i'm alive....if i could f**k off the 5kg''s i've put on since Xmas - i'd be happy......Email me pretty please!!!!!!!!! love to yak to you! xx

Frankie said...

Yes you CAN do it!! I've done the stop start thing more times than I care to think about (just read my blog back since October...endless re-starts). I'm doing this time and so are you!!!

Can't wait to follow your progress.

Trudi said...

Shar, I too feel like Im in a similar situ to yourself. When I read your post its though you are so mindful of what you are moving towards now and that comes with doing something different. Would love to talk to you more about it as its also helped me TRY to get my head around what I need to do too! love Trudsxx